Creativity and Coffee-stains....

I have to admit I am struggling. As soon as I start doing something, I ran into my own high standards about how things are supposed to be! The reality is that I am tired, and I need some space and quiet time to germinate, develop thoughts, work on structure and just generally hang out in my chair or walk in the woods. My idealised picture is that I will produce forty pages of good solid text every day, update the blog every day and bla blabla blabla.... Which, of course, isnt happening. Which, of course, starts the re-cycling of self-abuse again....

Yesterday I had some flow - while driving I could see structure so clearly, structure for all the five projects I am working on at the same time (yes, its five, damn it, but it has to be - there is no other way! I know it would be more healthy with one, but since I am not yet sure which ones will live and not, they all have to be there). When I came home I sat down in my chair and plotted mindmaps for three hours, the way I always do when I start something... or re-start.

Happy with myself, I went for a cup of coffee and then Skype went off and a very good friend of mine called! Happy! The only problem was that my dog got happy too! Finally someone talking in this too quiet house... So he comes marching in, waves his great tail with lots of power and Whoosh, Booom, Crash - my favourite cup full of coffee falls on the floor and breaks into a million pieces. On the way, it spills all the coffee over my idea-book and all the A3 mindmaps....

So much for that creativity. They are, now, after drying, barely legible. So time for some re-constructing to be done. No coffee this time. On my desk. No dogtail reaches that high. After all, they are just notes. Attempts to structure the millions of thoughts and ideas going around in my head. And my head is still there, definitely. Only a bit more tired and less clear than yesterday. So I think I will go for a walk in the woods after just typing up what I can read from under the brown layer of coffee. And see what the wind and the silence has for me today!